Addiction: What is it really like?

Like an Itch

Addiction is like an itch, a mosquito bite

It starts out feeling great to scratch

But once you realize that the itch can’t be satisfied

It becomes an annoyance

And yet it feels so good when you are scratching away

Your mind is released from the constant bother of thinking about scratching

You are feeling the delight of an itch being satisfied

But the moment you stop scratching the need to scratch is still there

It hasn’t gone away, it hasn’t stopped

The satisfaction only lasts as long as you are scratching

It only feels good in that very moment

And your life is consumed with scratching

Everything else fades away

Nothing else is important

Only the need to scratch

Only the desire to fulfill the desire to scratch

You scratch so incessanty that it starts to bleed

It actually starts to hurt

The pleasure is gone

But the itch is still there

The itch that once was so enjoyable now hurts

It aches as you run your nails across it

The skin feels tender as you dig into your bloody flesh

You begin to wonder if this will ever end

You start to think that this scratching will consume your life

As if it hasn’t already

You try and tie your hands behind your back

Thinking that now you will be unable to scratch

But now you can’t do the normal things in life

You can’t feed yourself, or wash yourself or shake hands

You manage to hold off from scratching by sheer will power

Long enough to forget, long enough to for it to fade

Aha you say, I have accomplished the impossible

But then you accidentally itch your arm without thinking, like an old habit

And it all starts over again

You begin to think that there is no getting away from the itch

And so you reserve yourself to scratching it once and a while

Just enough to give temporary relief

Because there is no way to stop completely

But each time you give a little scratch the desire from before becomes stronger

With each pull across the skin your desire increases

Until the blood is once again flowing

In utter despair you lay on the ground and watch a drop of blood drip down your arm

And on to the floor

The blood lays there

Holding you and all your pain inside it.

Don’t worry, there is much more where that came from…